Aftermath

I cant explain how people took ha death but people had there own opinions and didn't take it well at all. I wasn't aloud at the funeral and all kinds of things were said to me and about me. But like i told people then and like i will tell em' now Butta n I know whas good and she know my heart so i carry no guilt just hurt because she's gone. I started to go to Cosmetology school but shit got fucked up so now im just trying to get back in. Im sick as shit when it comes to doing hair and i really wanna finish school so i can open up my own salon and make that money. Personally i know thats where my future is so it's gunna done. between that and music i honestly love to sing i can do it all day so between tha 2 i plan on makin money and being successful. My main focus is to remain humble so that i don't loose myself in the money or the fame and always remember to keep GOD 1st cuz it seems like all these celebrities are dropping like flies cuz they forgot how they got to where they are but no sir u won't catch me slippin lol anyway i have a trip to go on so ttyl. <3Lucky<3

June 2,2009

My boyfriend at the time had a court date that morning and My 2 best friends Butta n Mickey spent da night with me at my Cuzzo's house cuz we was havin it up that night drinks and all lol Butta neva allowed me to exclude ha from tha parties and on top of it all i was livin wit ha and ha family. before i left i gave everybody a kiss she was tha only one who woke up and gave me a kiss back. any how the court date went terrible, i was suppose to testify on his behalf but the court house sent us on a wild goose chase and we didnt make it to his court date so he just copped out to whateva they gave em'. his motha was so hurt and i felt so bad for ha. I called Butta soon as i got out tha car and she came back to get me and took me to chipotle :-) we were so addicted. She took me back to Cuzzo house afta dat cuz ha mom had to have surgery dat night and i was going to a graduation with Mickey and Dolla(cuzzo). At the graduation a huge fight broke out it was my niggas(who'm i chill wit) and anotha group a niggas. shit got crazy and then it was ova, at least at the time because da police got involved. afta da fight i txt Butta i was so frustrated couldnt Believe dat, dat went down and i new Infant was mad because it was ha graduation we came for. Butta new i was mad and came to get me from around my old neighborhood, we picked up the kids and went to church. We were late but afta havin a fucked up day i made ha stay til it was completely ova. On the way back around to tha neighborhood we stopped to see our friend O Breezy he was havin a fucked up night to, someone hit his car. I was gunna stay and chill wit him but Butta wasn't havin it she practically owned me lol. Once we left him we went back around the way and everyone was thea ppl who i didnt normally see was thea and Butta was so happy to see em' cuz she hadn't seen most of em' since we left our old high school. we had to take the kids back home though it was gettin late and for them it was a school night and we had ha daughta out thea 2. She wanted to go back afta we dropped the kids off i wasn't comfortable wit it cuz i'm to hip dat fight wasn't no slight shit and niggas new wea we chill at but we always have it up around thea so we went back. i told ha we to leave at 11:30 cuz i was gunna meet back up wit Breezy n blow 1 down wit em'. at 11:25 i told ha say ha goodbye's to everybody she was drunk so she laughed gave me a hug n a kiss on my forehead n sed "otay Bestie". when i turned to walk away and she walked the opposite way, gun shots rang off and i ducked and then crawled behind some cars. couldnt tell wea they were commin from but i wasn't jus gunna stand thea. This lady told me n some othas to get in ha house. we all crawled ova n den went in tha house. when i realized she wasn't in tha house i stepped bak out to look for ha, people were yelling "somebody's hit!!" i asked everybody wea she was an they looked at me like i had 3 heads. then i saw ha layin on da floor and my world got real small. she heard me scream n turned to look at me i crawled ova to ha n tried to hold ha hand but da shit was crazy she was shakin all wild n crazy and tears was cummin dwn ha eye's it was tearin me up tha las thing she said to me was "Tink" tha nickname i gave ha daughta and then ha head dropped and i lost my mind cuz i knew she was gone and it happened in my Neighborhood so i knew what was next. But i'll wait to tell you about that......enough for now. <3Lucky<3

::[[Butta]]::

Butta.... The nickname i gave my best friend Shai after having to hear one of the school staff members constantly call her Shai Butta. Shai was a 19 year old mom who lost her life to a bullet. One bullet ended her life and changed my whole world and i say that in the least selfish way i can. Shai and I had the strongest relationship a friendship could ever hold and it ended on June 2, 2009. She was my diary and she took some of my deepest secrets with her the night she left, and with her they will remain. If anyone were to ask me to describe her one word would sum her up "Beautiful" outside and in.

"Basically Butta" came about simply because the word Butta when used out in NY describes how fly,sexy, or fresh a person is and that she definately was and may i add.......... so am i. In all honesty though the title to me is just perfect for me and for her. For a 19 year old girl I've been through quite a bit. Everyone has there own story some good some bad, mines is an extreme blend of both and since i don't have time to write a book right now simply because i need to get my shit together "Basically Butta" will be my stories to share with you. :-) Later on my next post will be about June 2 and how my life has made a drastic change since.

<3 Lucky<3

::[[GREETINGS EARTHLINGS]]::

My name is Claire...some call me Bear (get it..? ClaireBear...anyway) I started this blog just to express myself I guess. I know I'm young, I know I'm little...my packaging tends to fool people, but I've seen and experienced a lot of... life. I think sharing my thoughts and experiences here will help with healing and growth for myself and others.

Thanx for dropping by - Stay tuned.//